


Lonely vs. Brave

by SnapSnapEldritchBlast



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, essek also low key has arthritis, essek has a crush on caleb, essek is lonely, spoilers for episode 90 of campaign 2, the end of episode 90 from Essek's perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22293226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnapSnapEldritchBlast/pseuds/SnapSnapEldritchBlast
Summary: The end of C2E90 of Critical Role from Essek's perspective. We love our lonely hot boi with a crush on a wizard and just wants some friends.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 14
Kudos: 185





	Lonely vs. Brave

As soon as Essek closed the door to his home, he dispelled his levitation spell and sighed. He could feel the muscles in his body relax, but his joints deeply ached and there was an ever-present weight on his chest. Before he went about with his routine on absent mindedly, he allowed himself to look around. His home was dark, cold, and silent - rather unwelcoming. Had it always been that way? He shook his head to snap out of his thoughts. No time to spiral down that thinking. 

Except he couldn't snap out of his thoughts. Sitting at his desk, with piles of papers, half-eaten partially cold dinner, and an almost finished cup of tea, his mind went back to the Mighty Nein. Jester's questions are replaying over and over again in his mind, with those insights feeling so foreign to him.They look at him with such wonder in their eyes, but at the same time like a normal person. When was the last time anyone looked at him for who he was as a person, and not just his skill? Or what he has to answer to, or his responsibilities? With them, there are no preconceived notions about his age, his den, or this only being his first life. With them, he is just... Essek. Was this what it was like to have friends? He found himself craving it and feeling more lonely than he ever has before.

And then there was Caleb. Where to begin with Caleb? The wonder in Caleb's beautiful blue eyes is one of his favourite things in the world. He has such a _spark_ in him, it makes him feel inspired and enamoured with magic all over again. Does Caleb feel the same way about him? The thought of it made him feel almost... giddy. But there is still so much more to him, and he finds himself just wanting to know everything about this man. The spark seems like embers that have recently been rekindled, however. There is still a sadness, or tiredness to his tone, and a calculated aspect to his affection. 

He knows the feeling all too well. 

But perhaps the Mighty Nein have that ability in people, that they can motivate and bring excitement to anything in their radius. He has certainly experienced it first hand.

 _This is getting ridiculous,_ he thought to himself. _I'll never be able to get any work done if I can't get this handsome wizard and his friends out of my head. Some prodigy you are, Essek_. He supposed he could scry on them. What would be the harm? Perhaps it would give him a bit of closure for the night and could finally concentrate on his work. Taking a moment to pull out his scrying eye, he sent his mind towards the "Xhorhaus" as they referred to it. He's really not sure what to expect with this group.

His focus was taken into what he assumed was the living space, with everyone standing around seemly getting ready for something.

"Shots? Shots? Shots? Get ready for this. Shots? Shots?" Beau shouted, handing some sort of alcohol to the group.  
"What even is this?" Fjord, a sensible one by Essek's standards, replied.  
"I found it under the sink"  
Jester, the smiley blue one, took the glass and looked into it, "This is cleaner."  
Nott, after putting something in her ears, turned to the others. "Alright, let's hear it!"

Essek turned his vision to the rest of the room. It seems as though they acquired... instruments in their time away? Essek winced immediately. It was a horrible sound. Dear Luxon, how did they manage to create such a racket? It was almost enough for him to lose his concentration on the spell. It was also a surreal experience to have Caduceus and Yasha making so much noise with Jester. Apparently his assumption of the two of them being the quieter ones of the group was completely wrong. Where did they even find those instruments? And the cat sounded like it was dying - or perhaps joining in? 

Essek found a wide smile growing on his face. How fascinating this group was. They seemed to be having a great time. They clearly had no idea that this would pull all of their neighbours out of their nightly trance... or perhaps that was their intention? Imagine how much gossip this will stir up with their neighbours! How amusing.

He pulled himself out of the scry, and allowed himself to let out a bit of a chuckle. Which grew, and grew, and eventually found himself wiping away tears of laughter. 

Maybe one day he will be brave enough to answer all of Jester's questions. He could be brave, right?

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this after the last episode of Talks, because I too am in love with our lonely hot boi, and then Matt really DID THAT in episode 91 and I made to make it work for my fic. 
> 
> Also hi I have not written anything in over 6 months because mental health stuff. Hello again! I'm a little rusty, but these last few episodes of CR have really inspired me to write!
> 
> (And Essek lowkey has arthritis because I have arthritis, and I love disabled!Essek. I didn't go too deeply into it in this fic, but maybe one day I'll write a fic looking more at this??)


End file.
